THE END ~~~~~

this xanga have been with me for such a long time..... before i have already made a new xanga... but then i miss this one too much..... it had way too many membories and feelings in here......

but then..... for someone to grow up...... and someone to move on...... that someone must let go and forget about the past......

no matter how the future will be good or will be bad.......

back in high school.... my grad..... in my year book..... i said.......

we must be greatfull for not getting what we want..... because it is this hope.... that let use dream and keep on moving.....

its time to live up to what i said...... and its time to move on.......

good bye canada..... good bye amanda...... i must forget about you...... because it has been 5+ years of waiting..... and its time for an end.......

a new start will be at........ http://leo-x0.xanga.com/ ......

thx to all who have been with me since the very start..........

thx alot.... but an end to sadness must come to an end......... bye bye ^^

new start.....

wow.... i havent typed in my xanga for such a long time already...... so much happened..... other then the sad stuff..... everything was all good

alot of people say that its always not till something bad happen..... then you will find out who is the real ones that truely cares about you..... and who truely are the ones that will be by your side no matter what....

what happened??? well alot of you already know.... and there is no point for me to talk about it anymore..... and i promised mui mui that i wont think about it anymore.......

so maybe it is a good thing that i fell and all this bad things happen..... or else i wont know how much mui mui loves me and care about me...... thx mui mui.......

me and mui mui started a new xanga ar....... username =  mel_leo   ..... i will be typping in there more then here i gess...... ^^

BYE BYE

body of lies

how would you feel when somone lies to you?? and when its someone that means so much to you.......

by may ..... it would be a year since we know eachother..... but the past week.... i made the decission to end it.....

it just hurts way too much when you find out that she have been lieing to you for such a long time.... and then when you ask her.... she would tell you even mroe lies to cover the first one..... but then in the end... she will say so much .... that you would find out so much lies and so much that she have said to you that was a lie since the start.....

i just really cant tell the truth from the fake.... what is truth... and what is faulse?? ..... i really cant tell the difference between what you have said anymore is true or fake to me.........

you should know really well that i hate it when somone have lied to me..... and i hate it even more that i have to find out about it...... and i hate it the most when its from your self that told me.......

你1直把我看成你重視既朋友???

if you do look at me as of that?? then y not just say the truth to me??

leaving you.... hurts alot......

but being lied to hurts even more......

am i already starting to 心軟???

只係唔想令我難過??

but have you never find out that when someone finds out he have been lied to..... it hurts even more then you trying to protect him useing lies?? in the end.... either way will hurt... but finding out the truth from lies hurts even more... because the truth hurts already.... but then finding out that i have been lied to.... hurts even more......

its so simple.... do you not understand???

my little mui mui said that i should forgive her....... thats not hard to do.... but then what if she lie to me once more...... this is the second time already..... i really dont want the third....... 

the last sms i sent you was...... " you left me no choice.... i do not want to get hurt again"

2 days 1 night vaction to St. Teresa's hospital =.='

day 1 ~

got into the hospital at around 3... went to eat lunch with my mom at the restrant there.... the food doi ok wor ^^ hahahahaha......

and then went to check in.... =.=' this hospital seems more like a hotel!!!! and have a gift bag with all the stuff you need too hahahahaha.....

and then got to my bed and then my mom left.... it seems really nice... eletric bed... can go up and down ... i played with it for almost an hour .... did the pee test.... it looked like apple juice !!!! hahahahahahaha

and then the nurse came to take the blood from me...... and she was so nice... we chat for some time... and joke around.... and she was so young too... but she wont tell me her age... and she cant believe that i am 20 >.< .... so sad..... but then she had to get back to work... so she left .....

and then i watched tv..... read the book Hobbit..... (hobbit is the story that goes before lord of the rings and it tells how the ring came and all... its really good) .... the doctor came... told me how the blood test went.... and then said there is more scans 2molo... and then left.... and then ordered dinner.... its ok gai....

and then talked on the phone and sms..... and then i was so bored!!! so i wanted to go out to walk around... but the nurse wont let me >.< ...... so i sneaked out!!! hahahaha it was so fun sneaking around the hospital and then got out side.... but then it was too cold..... so i went back.... talked on the phone even more and sms... and then i started talking to one of the nurse.... she was really cute!!!! and looks young too hahaha.. but she is 25 >.< .... and then we chat for a long time and all... and she hide in my room so the other nurse cant find her so she can chat longer .... it was really funny..... but then she needed me to sleep.... and then something shocking happned (not talk about it)... and then she left...

day 2 ~

.... that nurse came and woke me up at about 8 to check my temp and my blood pressure.... and she got me breakfast... she was so nice!!!!... but then i cant eat cuse of the scans i needed to do.... so i told her to eat it.... since she bought it and i dont want to waste it..... so she hide in my room again... and eat and chat.... and then she had to go.... and she said that after she off work and me get out of hospital... go lunch >.< ... but me said see see sin la....

then i fell back asleep...... woke up at 11.... went to ask the nurse what time me sin can do the scans.. cuse they said today in the moring ga ma... but then she said she dont know and will help me check.... but then she have to go off work la... and me doi cant leave yet... so she left jor..... and then i went back to sleep

at 3.... they woke me up to go do the scan..... went down.... wait for a few min.... got into the room.... did the scan.... it feels funny hahahahahaha..... and then went back to my room.... read the book... sleep more......

and then at around 6:30.... woke up.... watch a little tv..... ordered dinner.....

done eating.... watch more tv..... and then waited for the doctors..... at 10:00 they done talking.... told me the report..... i find out..... left the hospital....

went home.... shower..... watch tv.... sleep....

==============================================

now.....i need to live my life to the fullest... and to the best.... i cant waste my time anymore.....

last night.... i was thinking.... whats the point of life??

if you get to pick between 2 things.....

A) get to live a long life... but without love

or

B) live a really short life... but have the most love ever

what would you pick??

people go to school... to get a good job.... and then get a job... work hard at the job.... to make money.... so that they can have a good life.... but whats the point??

if you work... make money.... so that you can be alive ..... and do the exact same hard work the next day........ so work hard... so that next day you can work harder?

but..... i think there is only one reason y people work so hard..... its so that they can find the one they love..... what is better then to get home from a day of hardwork... so you can be the one you love most... to tell her everything.... and she dont need to reply you or answer you.... all that she need to do is listen... and are about you.... thats all that matters.....

so i gess.... i would pick B.....

====================================

anyways.... merry x mass to you all.... and enjoy the x mass with the one you love la ^^

Dont hurt to try???

fuck no..... it hurts to try everytime... cuse after you try.... you will notice that you will never get it... and it hurts even more then you walk away at the starts.......

dai b and sai b and phoebe have been telling me to try .... and if i dont try... i will never know.... but then.... i dont think they used the right words...... its not try....

its SUISIDE!!!!!

try is when you dont know what the answer is.... but what i am doing.... is knowing the answer is no... but still try and whis that the answer would be yes....... if this is not suiside... then what is this??

Maybe everytime when i think i saw through her and really clear.... that is when i am the most blind..... i gess love can blind someone..... and then kill you when you are blind......

I gess i have been too blinded by now already... and i forgotten to set myself a bottom line.... or is it because i dont want to set a bottom line to safe myself?? i think i just want to go all out this time.... cuse a girl this perfect.... is hard to find.....

but i am just scared..... scared that my heart will bleed again..... ... that blood have stained my life for so long that i cant remember when it started..... but just that lately.... i have been too focused onto something else... that have washed most of my blood off.....

but that one thing.... is my health..... i have...... Impaired Liver function..... and on the 22nd i need to go into hospital over night to do more scans and blood test and stuff to find out whats the cause for it....... but i havent thought too much about it..... whats the worst that can happen?? die a painfull death?? .... but thats less painfull then the cuts from my heart.......

i told myself.... let this liver problem be the thing that decide how i should pick......

~ if i am ok... and the outcome is not that bad... then i should try all that i can... and get the perfect girl of my dream.....

~ if its bad..... then nothing to think about... since theres no time to do thinking anymore........